Some people have seen where God has brought you from. They don't really understand it. They don't know your story.
My life has been falling apart and falling together at the same time. Every person that has walked away has been replaced by someone better. Every situation that hasn’t work has led me to a greater one. So now when things go left I know that it’s time for something else to go right-
Man, let me tell you— June was a struggle month. And when I say struggle, I mean I went through it. We are never fully prepared for the worst case scenario. We are never prepared for a death in the family or prepared for the unexpected. I think I went through every single emotion possible in these last 30 days.
Particularly I hated Mondays. Since I quit my job, I have consistently been searching for reasons and alignment with my purpose. Literally to be as transparent as possible, I would wake up every morning at like eight and apply for like 10,000 jobs and be so consumed in this because I didn’t know what to do with my time.
So let me break down my week, but I’ll start in the middle. Wednesday through Friday were my calmer days. Those were the days where I felt so optimistic. Okay, I’ve accomplished so many goals during the week, I’ve done things differently, I’ve managed my time differently like I felt you know “OK” I made it through Friday. Saturday and Sunday would come around and I would drown myself in social life and be out and be eating and drinking trying to escape the realities of what I was about to face come Monday morning.
But came Monday mornings and literally I felt like I got hit by a bus for the past five Mondays that have passed. It is was either new job searches, thanks but no thanks emails, bills(I swear I hated checking the mail) all on a dang Monday.
The worst days— I would just wake up in this funk I would be so emotional. I would cry, listen to gospel music, cry again check my emails consistently like every five minutes, cry some more —-like Mondays were the worst day of the week for me. And it took me a little while to realize and come to terms with myself that right now I am falling apart, and Mondays would remind me of that. I have never fell apart before.
It’s so crazy because we paint the picture that everybody gets to see. We smile, we say that we’re fine and everything is all good but deep down in your soul you know that there is something going on with you and you don’t want to admit that.
It is a humbling experience to be able to be vulnerable, to be confused, to be all of the things that you have never felt before. I’m really writing this blog to tell you all that this transition was not in any way easy as it may have looked. It took a lot of soul-searching, it took a lot of faith, it took a lot of tears, it took a lot of me pulling myself out of my own being and realizing that I would be OK.
The beauty about life is that we create the circumstances in which we are in. I left my job because I was not happy and I did not want to continue to fake it and live in that unhappiness. I had to mentally prepare myself for the unexpected. The Mondays, the feelings and the emotions, the tears. I mentally had to pull myself up every day and say everything you’re doing is going to be a testimony for someone else in the future.
For those who are watching me looking from the outside, I want you to know that every day was a struggle but every day I managed to become more of a woman then I was yesterday. I literally looked at Mondays as my humbling experience day because the devil would try to put me in a space where I couldn’t or didn’t feel like coming out of. BUT Tuesday came and I prayed, Wednesday came and I prayed, Thursday came and I prayed, Friday came and I prayed, Saturday & Sunday came and I prayed and I’ll be damned if the devil takes any more time from me while he was looking to steal my joy and my peace every Monday morning. Always remember that the devil will work his way in anyway possible and he thought he took Mondays from me but it was only making me reach for God more. He thought he won every Monday but I always found peace before that day left me.
No one knows your story but you. No one speaks your truth but you. You choose what you share and decide not to share. But in that same breath be honest with yourself. I want to leave you guys with my favorite verse from John P. Kee’s “You Don’t Know My Story”, and pray that you all find peace in all days of the week, cause God got you Sunday through Saturday.
You don't know my story
You don't know the things that I've come through
You cannot imagine
The pain, the trials I've had to endure
You don't know my story
You don't know the day he set me free
You cannot imagine
The strongholds and the walls that severed me
In all God has been faithful to me
He promised he would never leave me
My story proves that God can use me
Deliverance is my testimony
You don't know, my story
It would blow your mind
You don't know, my story
—Yours Purely
